Almost every day, I need to remind myself "Kill 'Em With Kindness" . This is a practice that can help me get through a difficult day, hour or moment.
It could be any of the following scenarios which happens almost daily to me:
- Dealing with a difficult agent (or co-worker)
- Dealing with a difficut seller or buyer (or client)
- Dealing with a difficult deal (or project)
- Dealing with a title company that is not pulling their weight
- Dealing with an abrasive mortgage person who says "trust me, this will settle"
- Dealing with buyers calling who "have an agent"
- This list goes on and on and on ...
Or perhaps it could just be everyday life things:
- Standing in line with a loud person
- At the supermarket when the person in front of you has a million coupons
- On the highway with aggressive drivers
If you "kill em with kindness" you have a much better chance of getting through the situation and perhaps making it better. The alternative is to dig a deeper hole and to make the situation worse. I think for the most part it is better to listen to the other person, acknowledge and move foward. In many cases, in being responsive, less is more. I think the person who practices this discipline comes out on top in many ways and is not drained from their energy.
I first learned "Kill 'Em With Kindness" through one of my first mentors in the real estate industry. His attitude every day is amazing being constantly positive and energetic. I think by having that attitude perpetuates positve energy and people can respond to that. The flip side is that have you ever noticed a negative person constantly experiencing negative outcomes ? Perhaps they bring it upon themselves ?
On some days, I simply forget this discipline and can be torn or drained in working through a difficult deal or dealing with very difficult people. I asked a question on Twitter recently and Amber Salmon, Realtor in IA responded with the suggestion "Kill 'Em With Kindness" which made me smile.... and remember !
I had a situation just yesterday where I was so close to blasting a loan officer and breaking down his passive aggressive attack per se in reference to a deal. I decided not to respond to it all and just let the deal settle this Friday.
Life is good ! Life is short ! In the face of stress and anxiety, SMILE : )
How is your attitude today ?
How will you react when the next difficult situation comes your way ?
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The Somers - Philadelphia Real Estate
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Chris and Stephanie, this is how I always behave so I can tell you it does shock people in some circumstances. They almost expect you to be rude, or mean, or inconsiderate back and they just don't get how you do that. It is a mindset for sure and I am glad you are reminding everyone to kill them with kindness and a gentle spirit.
Gary - I can definitely see you practicing this mindset. And yes, I can see it being shocking in certain circumstances. I am getting better with it. However, I can still lay into someone and get into too many arguments that go nowhere. In these situations, I realize afterwards that it is rarely productive and a complete waste of energy and time. It is a discipline that needs to be practiced. My goal is to "shock" people more often during those situations !
When you are positive good things always seem to happen. I hate feeling down and try to avoid it all costs. I am not surprised you feel the same way:)
Bill - Exactly ! Also, when one is down or depressed, their productio will certainly go down as one is not proactive and making it happen per se. Also, others can pick up on that negative energy.
Being positive helps dealing when curve balls are thrown at you. Deal with it and move on. I think also from a success standpoint, you become what you think about. Which really is important to think positively ! And to have a good discipline in terms of dealing with the bumps along the road... look at them as challenges instead of road blocks.
Positive people attract positive things into their lives. I'm a believer in "The Secret". Thanks for your post and your experiences and encouragement.
Jason - Yes, I am a believer of "The Secret" as well ! I totally agree with your commnt as far as positive people attracting positive things into their lives.
This explains your facebook update this AM :D. This is something my mother taught me from day 1. I do believe it works! KM
Kristen - Yes !!!! Have been thinking about this post since yesterday where there were a number of things (mostly people) that were really getting to us and pressing our buttons. You have a very smart mother ! And yes it does work !! It works amazingly well ! I just have to remember the practice and discipline... is a mind set I believe.
CHRIS and Stephanie..Good advice..I had one of those days today...I walked away from the attack and I will see what tommorro brings..I am keeping a positive attitude
Reminds me of a song my mother used to sing "SMILE THOUGH YOUR HEART IS BREAKING"
Hannah - Congrats on walking away ! It is not easy sometimes. Sounds like a smart mother ! Is good not to buy into the drama. Tomorrow is always another day.
Hannah - Congrats on walking away ! It is not easy sometimes. Sounds like a smart mother ! Is good not to buy into the drama. Tomorrow is always another day.
I have spent the last 5 months working a short sale with Countrywide. I've killed everyone there with kindness and I've come to the end of my rope. To No Avail! I'd love to let them know what I thheink of the way they do business, but will stay silent until my contract either closes or forecloses.
Kill them with kindness is always a great way to approach any situation but...(I know I hate buts too) there are those times when no amount of kindness will help. Sometimes a firm yet positive approach needs to be mixed in with the kindness. I had one yesterday. A negative person who no amount of kindness helped until I added the other two. Its a delicate balance we work everyday.
I admit sometimes I am very tempted to make people look stupid with kindness, haha, it is one of the perks of the biz. But I usually opt for passive kindness and go on my way ;)
Dear Somers, I needed a boost of positivity tonight! I came across an abrasive person and should be required to sit and write, " Kill 'em with Kindness" about 500 times!!
Christopher and Stephanie,
Reading you blogs and comments for the past 9 months, I think I would truly believe you practice the restraint in a bad situation. You have that soft tone. I like to say I can be that way, and with some I can, but not as well as you. As you see in my work I am straight forward about alot of things. If people are on my team, I am soft. If they are the other team, I am tough if I think I need to be.
Richard
Chris and Stephanie, I love the attitude of "Kill them with Kindness." Sometimes it works but I've found it can also be very draining. Some negative people LIKE where they are and don't want to see positives--in anything. I believe you are so right, negative people attract negative energy.
Chris & Stephanie - What a great way to approach situations. I feel badly for people who always expect the worst and bring out the worst in others. Years ago when my kids were very young I put posters around the house that said "Expect the best from each other" in an effort to reduce their sibling bickering. We talked a lot about being kind to everyone and I hope it's a message that stuck with them.
Such great points! There is never a time when getting bogged down in the negativity is going to produce a positive result. Staying positive is always the best course of action.
Christopher and Stephanie, Thanks for the post. It can be difficult at times when you are in line behind someone with the million coupons that are for wrong products or expired.
My Mother is a great mentor and a great example of someone who has a great attitude and patience and as I am getting older I appreciate it even more.
Kay - I hear you ! Sometimes it feels good to lay into someone but at the end of the day, does it change anything ? I feel good for a moment than I might feel a little guilty ! LOL... I will ask Stephanie if I was too mean with so and so... However, if that phone call might change the outcome (ask for the supervisor) then that changes things. Still, one can be firm and kind too.
Martha - Totally agree. I understand that one cannot be flowery in difficult situations and negotiations. However, one can keep their cool, be firm and not raise their voice. Have "veins of ice" per se. And then most importantly, do not let the situations or people push your buttons per se or get under your skin. Do your best, be firm, and move on. AND do not let "it" get to you.
Steve - Well said ! Agreed !
Positive, optimistic and energetic is the only way I know how to live my life. "Killing them with kindness" is the only thing one can do sometimes to stay focused and sane. There is such an art to it, but when it comes from the heart it's not very hard to do. Great post!
Chris - you definitely have the right attitude! It's not worth letting someone else steal your joy :)
Great post. Great Comments!
nice positive message! Sometimes it is so hard to do though, right? I agree it is the best way to deal with a situation and I try to teach this to my kids!
I believe in karma. You get back what your put out.
Chris- I really love this post. I not only believe in what you are writing, I see you apply it daily. So my little prayer for everyone who reads this post (and of course for you) is that they gain more and more grace with every injustice, or passive aggressive insult, or bully in the industry or in their personal life.
I keep trying to do that with my neighbors and we live in urban lofts. One day they will say hi before me or at the very least say it back.
You are right, but sometimes it is easier said than done!!!
It always works and it's great advice for life. Everyone likes surrounding themselves with positive people.
I'm with ya on that! "Kill Em" w/kindness has always been my motto! No better way in dealing with such situations as pulling the kindness card!
Yes, yes, yes! This is my attitude for evry day so not many things bother me lately. I just smile a lot and move on:)
Attitude!!!! Yes! It's a relationship-based world... Even those that we have conflict with can become raving fans, confidants, clients and even great friends. We never know when a word of encouragement or even a smile will snap someone out of their funk and change their day!
Positive breads positive. We have control over how we react to any situation, we can choose to take the high road and we can choose to be positive. Great post!
Every so often I get a client I can be "unplugged" with. But 99% of the time you have to err on the side of diplomacy, patience and faking biting your lower lip.
... and if all else fails, and you're having trouble being nice to the sumnabitch.... just think about it 'this way'.
Nothing will piss 'em off more, than when they're ranting and raving at you left and right, and the only rise they can get outta you, is the corners of your mouth in a smile.
nice.
I admit sometimes I am very tempted to make people look stupid with kindness, haha, it is one of the perks of the biz. But I usually opt for passive kindness and go on my way ;)
Pat - LOL, good luck ! I think one injection of "kill em with kindness" and you should be fine. Don't let it get to you !
Richard - That is a great approach. Being tough and firm is good too and has its place in negotiations. It is the bully approach that does not work well or just being mean for no reason too. Sometimes on a stressful day I can be a little short sometimes, but I try to treat people with respect and courtesy as best I can !
Carole - You would know about energy ! That is certainly my experience in terms of attracting energy and becoming what you think about.
Chris & Stephanie - Awesome post! I wake up every morning thankful for the productive day I am going to have which sets the tone for the day for me from a positive standpoint. I love your Kill 'em With Kindness attitude. I find whether I'm on the phone to smile when I talk. Don't ask me how or why but it always seems to change things in a more positive direction.
Lynn - You sound like a great mother. I would expect that your messages have stayed with your children. I guess it gets back to the motto "treat others how you would treat yourself". I think it is just smart for business purposes.
Annie - Totally agree. It all starts with a thought. Positive thinking leads to positive results. The tricky part is to remain positive (and kind) through negativity and difficult situations.
Gita - I am also fortunate to have two great parents who are very genuine and pure. I have learned a lot from both of them. Your mother must be a great person too !
On paper this sounds so easy to do and with a bit of practice, it actually is! Besides, it kicks that confidence into gear. Chris and Stephanie, you may kill me with your kindness any day. =)
Christopher and Stephanie,
Thanks so much for sharing. Kindness is a magic solvent. Love works miracles doesn't it? And makes the seeming challenges surmountable. "Brotherly Love" is where it's at. Looking forward to reading more from you, our fellow Philadelphia Real Estate Professionals!
or you could always smother them with sweetness
Hi Guys, What a great reminder! It is so easy to forget when we get "caught up" in it. Congrats on the Feature!
Hey Christopher & Stephanie,
Wow! This is a great post. This is definitely a post that reminds me that I must smile more, keep my mouth closed more, take a deep breath more and think before I speak more. As a matter of fact, I am going to stick your little saying up over my desk tomorrow -- "kill 'em with kindness". I have such a long way to go, but thanks to your post, I am a little closer!!!!!
Killing em with kindness goes a long way with people.. I totally agree Christopher and Stephanie ---great blog...
Hi Christopher and Stephanie~ You definitely get a lot further with honey.....I keep a smile and positive attitude most of the time. I hardly ever leave home without it!
Great post. Absolutely the way to surprise everyone.
Thank you for your post I always try to kill them with kindness it real does work. It works best for me when driving, no road rage for me I let it pass right through me and forget all about it. Thanks
So true, so true! I have been told these words my whole life and they have served me well. Sometimes it comes through clinched teeth in the form of..."MUST kill them....WITH kindness! :o) Thanks for the kind reminder to be kind! Kudos! :o)
So true, but sometimes so hard! A positive attitude goes a long way to calm down a volatile situation.
This post has lots of truth to it.. Thanks for the reminder
Thanks for the reminder.
As several have noted, some days that attitude seems hard to come by.
But, I've also learned that when the day is going badly, I can always start it over! right then and there.
And on the days when nothing works, I just remember that a new day lies ahead.
Just keep swimming.
You are right. But sometimes it's really hard to do. They just keep pulling the strings.
I will work on being kind no matter what!
Thanks for advice!
Several years ago a female friend gave me the book "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie. It's a great book and I strive to practice its principles everyday. Later on, I took the course. It was expensive (about $1,500) and it was worth it.
That female friend? I married her.
Aloha, Mike
It's real hard time as some of the posts I've read here point out.
I try to focus on the larger scheme of things and remind myself that life is too short for most of the nonsense that goes on each day. I have no use for pettiness and cut that sort of thing and people like that out of my life to the greatest extent possible. I'm amazed at the people I know that say they hold a grudge and will hold it until the day they die. I think what an awful waste, and wonder what it is they think they've gained by carrying that throughout their lives. One of my favorite verses to live by is found in Romans, "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone", so "kill 'em with kindness" just naturally fits right into this way of living.
Christopher and Stephanie, my grandma often said, "You can attract more flies with honey than with vinegar" so I try to remember that in every situation, and to be the HONEY. So many times, I have been happy that I responded positively instead of negatively. Maybe the person was just having a bad day, who knows what personal problems they may be going through? Or maybe just a personality "rub", or unfamiliarity with each others' styles. But later, I've been OH SO HAPPY that I didn't burn that bridge, when I had to do business with that person later. And who knows, you can brighten up someone else's day!
Join my new AR group and post your blog at http://activerain.com/groups/virtualoffice
I have found if you help and be kind to other people. The rewards you get far out weigh the action of kindness you have performed. But that is just my thoughts
LOL lets just say I'm knocking them dead! The owner of our company told me yesterday she is trying to get better at this..she pauses waits 10 seconds..and then kills them with kindness. I gotta say its better to kill them with kindness than bantor back and forth. I learned many years ago..be easy on people..you don't know what's happening in their lives.
I remember driving in South Florida many years ago..in my sports car bebopping along..and someone cut me off...no I did not use profanity but I laid my hand on the horn and screamed..the next thing I know..a gun pointed at me..I never forgot that incident...its better to be nice..and move on than rather get shot down?
These are great words of wisdom and something my mom taught me..sometimes you have to listen to Mama
Amber - Great point... "when it comes from the heart, it is easy to do". So true, if one is genuine and cares, it is much easier to do. "Haters" cannot really practice this principle : )
Maria - So true ! If one steals your joy, they zap and drain your energy level too. I have seen people so consumed over a little situation or disagreement that the rest of their day is shot.
Kristi - I hear you. It is great that you can go over this with your kids as then it becomes more engrained with both your private life and your professional life.
If I can't kill 'em with kindness I show them my gun. That works too...Kidding of course...Or Am I?
:)
TLW...ROAR!
Thanks for the post! It's a great way to start the day. Have an awesome day today! It's amazing to me how any situation can be defused with a little warm thought or act of appreciation!
Christopher and Stephanie - Great post... thanks for you're kindness in posting this! I'm now dead. But I'll try and be more positive about that!!! ;-)
Another way to throw them off is to agree with them - works for me
Another way to throw them off is to agree with them - works for me
Life is good ! Life is short ! In the face of stress and anxiety, SMILE : ) -- SO TRUE! When you smile it just seems it brings your body and self alive.
Today my attitude is great especially since I've learned I am a great Aunt...once again. this will make a total of 18 great nieces and nephews.
As I grow older, I have tended to practice this mantra more and more. Both professionally and personally. If I need to take out aggression, I'll just take a bullet from TLW:)
Christopher and Stephanie - Great post! I often like to think if I'm smiling and have a great attitude it attracts people to me that are the same. If they're not feeling positive and optimistic - they will the longer they talk with me or are around me - I guess I just choose to have that outlook and perspective and I don't allow others to take that away from me - but I certainly like sharing it with others. "the control center of your life is your attitude" ~Anne Marie
Heather - That is a good practice !
Brent - Yes, everything good in life for the most is easier said than done. However, I think after a lot of practice it comes much easier !
Lora - Positive thinking breeds positive results !
Mary - Not ony is it a good card to play, but can be a suprising one as well ! I think it also gains one a lot of respect as well.
Olena - That is a great attitude ! Congrats for that : )
It is a mere mindset. Too bad most don't have the same. If one does not like this business, go elsewhere. Enjoy what we do. Life is to short. Pay it forward. Nice post.........
JB - Wow ! You are so right ! Attitude is everything. Our "enemies" can become great friends.
Sandy - Agreed, life is a choice ! We can choose to be mean and bullying or "kill em with kindness". I think being genuine and having grace wins out in the end... plus it is so much more healthy !
J Philip - LOL, I hear you !! So true.
Alan - Rock on !!!! I love it : )
Frank - Makes sense. It is all about moving foward and not getting caught up in drama I believe.
Donna - Setting the tone of the day is sooo important. That is great that you practice that. I think I need to do that a little bit better myself : )
Carin - Sounds good !!! You are right, it can be easier said than done... but after a little bit of time, it can become easy for sure.
Cristal - Thanks ! You are right, it is sooo easy to get caught up in the moment or the situation versus dealing with it, not lot it affect you too much and move on.
Grandma always said you attract more bees with honey! Great post!